I am literally laughing while writing this because this is so me!
Have you ever woken up one day feeling worthless about your existence? Like you just feel what the hell you are doing in your life even when you have a good job, a career to look forward to, high ambitions and have everything sorted out to the path of success? Do you? Are you always panicking what you are going to do next in your life because you don’t understand what’s wrong with you even when you have just studied for 3 hours in a row for the test scheduled in next week?
If this happens to you often, you are going to laugh out ahead. (You are lying if you say that this never happens to you)
We all fear and doubt the things that are happening in our lives. Maybe at some days when we are worrying a lot or (like in my case) everyday. And if you notice, these thoughts might occur to you at the most inadequate places, just like while peeing or bathing or when you are getting dressed for a date night and you stand in front of your wardrobe with these thoughts in your mind. I know its frustrating and annoying to all extend because you don’t want to be thinking about how your life is turning up when you are prepared to enjoy the most romantic night of your life (No,No, Thats not what you hope for) But if you see, these thoughts always seem to be in our minds when we are once in our lives not thinking about anything. That’s when our mind turns on an invisible fear/guilt/lost-in-life switch and decides to take pleasure in our misery. (Oh, thank you my brain, now I can finally rest in pieces, shattered all around, this is what I always wanted in life) Worse to add is when you have these thoughts filled with overthinking and unneeded insecurities. (That adds icing to your already frostbitten mind.) So there you are, laying in those dirty shorts feeling worthless about just everything.
Have you ever wondered why you feel this? Or have this thought in you mind?
I don’t have a psychological answer to this. (If you all are expecting that, please google) But I have a theory to it that I developed on my own. (Tell me if you agree)
I almost have these thoughts everyday, its quite irritating but these days I find it funny because I add fun to it. Before I tell you my theory and experiences with this feeling, let me tell you this that its okay to think about this or even feel this! It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or you are depressed or unworthy. Its actually funny if you understand a perspective to it.
Overthinking is a vital part of my life. If overthinking burned calories I would be a bikini model. I almost think a lot and I over think about it as well. I am constantly struggling to keep up with my overthinking ability. Earlier overthinking made me sad and depressed. It made me fear and doubt everything and I felt lonely. At some point I would overthink and stress over something that was not even happening or was never going to happen. Like what you ask? (This is embarrassing, but I might just tell you so you can relate to it.) I would imagine myself as a superhero, (specifically wonder woman) and fear that I wasn’t going to be able to save people and would fret over it. Funny isn’t it? Weird too? But hey, we all just overthink about something. Your story might be more embarrassing than this.
So this almost made me realize that every bit of it is just as worthless as it tries to make you feel. It’s not a real feeling but a pseudo feeling.
What is a pseudo feeling, you ask? Its a feeling you get as a rush to your thoughts that are not real or happening in real life but you still feel real about it. Thats what this feeling of being worthless is. Its a pseudo feeling that our mind pushes to us and entertains itself.
As I realized this I started taking time out to indulge myself in this thought at times. When I have nothing to do and have everything already done, I think about the feeling of worthlessness. I think about it in all aspects, from things that are never going to happen to things that might happen to things I wish would happen ( Like me being a Wonder Woman falls in all of these categories) The reason I do this, is to make myself comfortable to these thoughts and broader my imagination. (Its mostly the latter though) Doubting yourself or your process and questioning your existence and your worth is a good thing. Its actually healthy for you mind. It makes you comfortable to all uncomfortable thoughts and helps you find ways to every hurdles.
What you need to understand and train you mind on is that these thoughts doesn’t occur to hurt us or make us feel worthless or sad. That’s how we as individuals perceive it. These thoughts is just our mind sending us signals to be prepared for any kind of feelings at any time. It wants to help us to move past these feelings and continue to be badass everyday.
If you are always having these thoughts, take some time out to think on it (specifically when you are bored or doing nothing), maybe even overthink about it and pay attention to it, notice the pattern of these thoughts and when they occur, understand its message and conquer your control over these thoughts. (Also laugh at every embarrassing and stupid thought you get, just dont share it with anyone!)
Afterall who wants to think about this when you have a hot date in front of you?
Soul Of Meraki 